The Words given by A Dad Which Saved Us as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience rapidly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple words "You're not in a healthy space. You require support. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a broader failure to communicate among men, who often internalise damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a display of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a pause - going on a few days abroad, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."