Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Television's top entertainers used the airtime criticizing former President Donald Trump's just launched immigration initiative, dubbed the "gold card," portraying it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday song about the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he handles."

The subject was the new initiative that enables foreign nationals to purchase U.S. residency for an investment of one million dollars, with a "premium" option for 5 million. A government portal pledges approval "faster than ever."

"One message here to wealthy foreigners: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the program is also meant to "squeeze cash" from firms wanting to hire skilled workers, involving large costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – if it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The best screening the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval numbers during financial anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a attempt to address cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted oddly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning media coverage of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.