Ex- England skipper Lewis Moody has revealed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet face the full implications of the muscle-deteriorating condition that claimed the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was involved in the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and won multiple English and European titles with Leicester, gave an interview to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after discovering he has the disease.
"There's something about looking the future in the face and being reluctant to completely absorb that at the minute," he stated.
"It isn't that I fail to comprehend where it's progressing. We grasp that. But there is certainly a unwillingness to confront the future for now."
Moody, conversing together with his wife Annie, explains instead he feels "at ease" as he directs his attention to his current health, his family and making preparations for when the condition worsens.
"Maybe that's surprise or possibly I deal with matters differently, and after I have the details, it's easier," he added.
First Indications
Moody found out he had MND after observing some reduced power in his upper arm while training in the gym.
After physiotherapy failed to improve the problem, a number of scans indicated nerve cells in his central nervous system had been compromised by MND.
"You're presented with this medical finding of MND and we're rightly extremely affected about it, but it's so strange because I feel like nothing's wrong," he added.
"I don't feel unwell. I don't experience sick
"The signs I have are very minor. I have a bit of muscle deterioration in the hand area and the shoulder region.
"I remain able to accomplishing all activities. And with luck that will carry on for as long as is attainable."
Illness Progression
MND can progress quickly.
Based on the charity MND Association, the condition claims a third of people within a twelve months and more than half within two years of identification, as swallowing and inhalation become harder.
Medical care can only retard worsening.
"It isn't ever me that I am upset for," added an affected Moody.
"There's grief around having to inform my mum - as an single child - and the ramifications that has for her."
Household Impact
Talking from the family home with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was consumed with feeling when he spoke about telling his sons - 17-year Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the traumatic news, commenting: "That represented the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two wonderful boys and that was pretty devastating," Moody stated.
"We were seated on the sofa in crying, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog bounded over and began cleaning the drops off our faces, which was somewhat amusing."
Moody explained the emphasis was staying in the present.
"There exists no cure and that is why you have to be extremely militantly concentrated on just welcoming and savoring each moment now," he said.
"According to Annie, we've been very fortunate that the sole choice I made when I retired from playing was to spend as much time with the kids as possible. We don't get those periods back."
Athlete Association
Elite athletes are disproportionately impacted by MND, with investigations indicating the prevalence of the illness is up to 600% elevated than in the wider community.
It is believed that by restricting the O2 obtainable and creating injury to neural pathways, frequent, vigorous physical activity can trigger the condition in those inherently vulnerable.
Sports Playing Days
Moody, who gained 71 England selections and toured with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in acknowledgment of his courageous, relentless method to the game.
He participated through a fracture of his leg for a duration with Leicester and once sparked a practice confrontation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he left a training equipment and started engaging in tackles.
After entering as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the end of the line-out in the crucial moment of play, setting a platform for scrum-half Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the match-winning field goal.
Assistance Network
Moody has previously informed Johnson, who captained England to that victory, and a couple of other ex- players about his medical situation, but the remaining individuals will be learning his news with the rest of public.
"We'll have a period when we'll need to depend on their support but, at the moment, just having that sort of love and acknowledgment that people are there is the crucial thing," he stated.
"Rugby is such a great family.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even if it concluded now, I've appreciated all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you have the opportunity to consider your love your career, it's one of the most important blessings.
"Having accomplished it for so extended a time with the groups that I did it with was a pleasure. And I am aware they will wish to help in any way they can and I anticipate having those conversations."
